Scientists of the University of Calamari, in Buonofongulo, Italy have announced today that the mystery of the Shroud of Turin has finally been solved.

The linen, long thought to be a preserved likeness of Jesus Christ was today discounted as a religious relic when Professor Guisseppi Marinara discovered that the feint image was actually the face of pornstar Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy.

TheVatican issued a terse statement which said that anyone who wished to return any purchased Shroud of Turin souvenirs, could expect a full and timely refund.

Scientists now believe that the shroud is actually one of Ron Jeremy's cast off snotrags, or possibly a towel used on some early Ron Jeremy movie set.

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