Here's a repost from my favorite Christian Fundamentalist website, Christploitation.com:

Easy Steps to Becoming the Crooked Evangelist of Your Dreams.

Yes you too can have a $ucce$$ful KKKristian Ministry Blessed by Gawd.

How to be a crooked evangelist and get away with it in a few easy steps: Yes you too can be a crooked, lying evangelist that the sheeple will “forgive” and coddle in just a few easy steps.

1. Open a ministry, preferably the more hardcore fundamentalist and shaming the better. The more theocratic the better. Preach heavily about “sins” like sex, drugs, masturbation, liquor, liberals, television, hollywood, etc and so on. These really get the sheeple whipped into a frenzy to support you.

2. Incorporate the ministry and set yourself up on the BOD so you can tell the sheeple you have a BOD to “be accountable to.”

3. NEVER EVER EVER tell the truth about what the finances of the ministry actually are. Usually the best thing to do is always claim poverty and lack of an income to keep that $$$ coming in.

4. Have shills prepared to give infomercials in defense of your shady financial practices, rely heavily on “casting the first stone” and how “god forgives and uses imperfect people.”

5. Apply shills when those pesky atheists or even the FCC come out “with their agenda to destroy your ministry.”

6. Continue raking in the bucks, cause, we all know that christians really don’t give enough of a damn to take the business end of a whip to the moneychangers the way jesus did.

7. Eventually, with enough shills and enough brainwashing, the christians will forget all about your financial dealings and go back to talking about the “real sins” like rubbing the tallywhaker and looking at naughty pictures.

8. You win. Your ministry doubles it’s income and you get a new house on the beach. Congratulations.

Posted by: Pastor Tammy

jimmyD sez: I'd be ROFL if this wasn't so true.

And in other news from the Wonderful World of Christians, a South Carolina woman who is an admitted WIccan has had her house vandalized nine times, her cat killed and gutted, her vehicle damaged, and has been ostracized and snubbed in the community in which she resides.

According to the Universal Press Syndicate's James J. Kilpatrick and reported on a website, The State, which thinks of itself as South Carolina's home page, "Darla Kaye Wynne will acknowledge that she is indeed a Wiccan, which is to say, a Witch — but a Witch in the same uppercase way that Muslims are Islamic and Baptists are Christians. Her religious beliefs are rooted in pagan rites that antedate Christianity by a thousand years. Sad to say, some good Christians in Chester County have treated her in a most un-Christian way."

The story details Ms. Wynne's objections to the invocations that preceded local town council meetings; invocations that usually began with a councilman bowing his head and asking God to help them make good council decisions with words like, "Our heavenly father..." and "In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray...”

Mr. Kilpatrick reports: "Wynne tried to show respect, but she grew increasingly uncomfortable. She asked Mayor Henry Clayton Starnes for a nonsectarian invocation. He refused. She suggested a rotation of local ministers. No way."

Finally, Ms. Wynne "brought suit in U.S. District Court, not for money damages, but for an injunction against patently sectarian invocations. Backed by the American Jewish Congress and the American Civil Liberties Union, she won. The town appealed to the 4th Circuit. She won again. Circuit Judge Diana Gribbon Motz spoke for a three-judge panel in ruling that the council’s invocations clearly advanced one faith in preference to others."

But after pervailing in the suit, "Her home has been vandalized nine times. Hoodlums have killed her cat and hanged its gutted body. Someone put sand in the gas tank of her truck. Townspeople have ostracized her."

This is just another example of why, as a rule, I so dislike and distrust organized religions like Christiianity. It's not core Christian values and beliefs that I object to, it's--for the most part--Christians themselves--the hard-core types--that I have little use for.

In my mind, if there are such things as heaven and hell, Ms. Wynne stands a good chance of hanging out with God in the afterlife, while those intolerant Christian red-necks who victimized her will be roasting their weenies in hell.






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