TRUE PORN CONFESSIONS :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "I'm thinking 'True Porn Confessions' might be the start of a new series of articles in which I admit to certain practices, behaviors, and incidents that might have damaged my overall porn karma. Or maybe this is just one-time bullshit motivated by the mood I woke up in this morning.

It is said that confession 'Cleanses the soul.' And since even pornographers have souls, seriously sullied or otherwise, it might be a good idea to write some shit designed to (hopefully) achieve porn redemption and atonement.

Okay, here's my first in a (possible) series of True Porn Confessions:

Believe it or not, I’ve shot some porn flicks that were—in my own estimation—so bad, so wretched and abysmal, so fucking retarded and pathetic, so weak and unwatchable, I couldn’t bear to use my very own ‘nom de porn’ in the credits.

That’s right! As lame and implausible as it sounds, some pornographers attempt to have minimal quality standards; I guess I'm one of them.

I suspect other porn directors have occasionally used alternate directing names in order to cover their participation in projects that—on the porn scale--truly suck; and if they haven’t, maybe they should.

The 'Porn Scale' is a quality measurement tool which, if applied to almost any other artistic endeavor, would place the word ‘Sucks’ somewhere near the top of said scale... if that makes any sense.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of renting or buying or simply running across a porn flick directed by some guy calling himself ‘Rance Rodent,’ that was me. And if you had the further misfortune of watching the ‘Rance Rodent’ directed piece of shit, you’d know why I opted to not use either of my customary porn aliases, i.e., James DiGiorgio or JimmyD.

This is not to say many bonafide pieces of shit haven’t gone out-the-door with one of my standard and world-renowned porn names attached to it. But that was merely because the distributor refused to use one of the names I prefer to use when I’m embarrassed by the results of my porn endeavors.

Here are the names I’ve used in the credits of incredibly lame turkeys I’ve shot: Rance Rodent, James DiGenerate, and my all-time favorite, Uncredited.

I should also note there’s been some titles where I’ve used the name Crème Rinze: Not so much because I was totally ashamed of the flick, but because it was so low-budget and so short of crew, I padded the credits with other names for jobs I performed myself. Yep, I wanted it to look like more than two people—other than myself, a helper, and the talent—made the movie.

I’d love to hear from other porn directors who may have used alternate director names to hide the the fact they cringed when viewing some utter crap they shot. Come on people, have some balls and come out of the ‘this piece of shit is so fucking bad, even for a porn flick, I don’t want my name on it’ closet.

It might help cleanse your porn soul.

"


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