The Lisa Ann/Zupko Story
Over on AdultFYI.com, Gene Ross is running a story about Lombard’s Sinsations 4 and it includes some pretty funny stuff about Lisa Ann and Tom Zupko.
In the story, Lisa Ann claims she spent about 30-40 hours (of unpaid time) discussing some XXX movie she was going to star in that Zupko was about to direct. Now I’m not calling Ms. Ann out on this. If she said that’s what happened, that’s what happened. (At least as far as I’m concerned.) But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why Lisa Ann, or any other porn chick, would spend that kind of time discussing their role in an upcoming fuck flick. Hello people! This is the jizz bizz! We ain’t making “Gone With the Wind” here!
WTF would pornstars and directors talk about in these many, many meetings? The porn star’s motivation? That’s simple: Getting paid! And what’s this shit about Zupko wanting Lisa Ann to shove a crucifix into her one or all of her Holy Orifices? Didn’t Zupko already use that schtick when he had Kendra Jade stuff pages of the Bible up her ass? C’mon, dude! Don’t become a cliche carbon copy of yourself!
Usually, when a porn star and a director are holed up together for extended periods of time, supposedly discussing the meat-and-potatoes of some movie they’re gonna make, it means there’s some hanky-panky going on. But this is Lisa Ann we’re talking about… with Tom Zupko! No offense to TommyZ, but I’m having a hard time conjuring up an image of Lisa Ann and Zupko working dilligently into the wee hours preparing for their upcoming cinema masterpiece when, suddenly, the janitor walks in and catches them in flagrante delecto! But if Zupko and Lisa Ann were, indeed, doing the nasty, i.e, doing some shit that could’a put them in a in flagrante delecto, situation, then my hat’s off to Zupko cuz Lisa Ann is one fine piece of ass! (And I mean that in the most complimentary way.)
Some of you might be wondering why I’m taking the time to comment on this LA & TZ stuff. Well, it’s because A) I’m trying to discipline myself to get in the habit of updating the site now that I have simplyjimmyd back up and running, and B) I have a slightly amusing LA & JD story to tell. (JD being me.)
Okay, let’s hop aboard the Wayback Machine cuz we’re heading back in time to 1996!
Back then, I was still working for Dave Sturman and Sin City. I had only been in the business about three years and I was still editing for them and, if I remember right, I was also directing by this time. Sin City was about to produce a feature called Airotica and it would star Lisa Ann and the director was going to be Eric Edwards.
Eric Edwards was a meatpuppet who worked in skin flicks going back to the 60s. In fact, he was a working porn stud from the 60s all the way into the 90s! That’s some staying power, no?
So Eric was slated to direct and Luc Wylder would produce and I was going to be the shooter or one the shooters, I can’t remember exactly cuz, well, cuz I smoke too much pot. And although my pot smoking isn’t a problem, Eric did have a problem and his problem emanated from a bottle. On the first day of shooting, Eric shows up somewhat inebriated, immediately clashes with Lisa Ann, and faster than you can say “Fuck me!” Eric is out as the director and Luc Wylder takes the directorial helm. To continue condensing this story, I’ll simply say that it doesn’t take Luc Wylder long to thoroughly piss Lisa Ann off and, suddenly, Lisa informs everyone that no one is permitted to speak to her but me, jimmyD. Plus, I’m the only one who’s going to shoot her stuff. That translated to this: if the director, for example, wanted to give her some direction, he would just have to tell me and I’d tell her. And that pretty much went for everyone else.
Personally, I was dumbounded. I was still a bit of a newbie (even tho I’d already been working 3 years in the XXX biz but, as some of your might know, in porn years, 3 years is more like 30 years of regular life.) But Damn! This was Lisa Ann! One of the most beautiful and sexy women I’d ever laid eyes on and here I was, on a set with Lisa with her strutting her shit around and the only person… THE ONLY PERSON.. who was permitted to address her or interact with her (other than the meatpuppet she worked with) was your’s truly! BTW, I think Airotica was Lisa Ann’s last movie for quite a few years… I hope it wasn’t something *I* said.
Is there a moral to this story? Yeah, I think so. And it’s got something to do with fucking with people who shouldn’t be fucked with. Therefore, I would say to you, Mr. Zupko, Lisa Ann is one porn star you ain’t gonna fuck with and win. And I don’t mean fucking with as in actually fucking with as in having hot monkey sex with cuz that would mean you definitely do get to put a very happy win in the “win” column, instead… uhhh, well, I’m pretty sure you get my drift.
Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. |