July 31, 2006

A New Way to Post Press Releases

I think I’ve discovered a new way to do my part in getting press release information out there: I’ll just post the subject lines of the press releases. Cool, huh? This way, I don’t violate my personal ethics by posting sheer bullshit and, at the same time, I fulfill the hopes and dreams of publicists everywhere by actually publishing the informational portion of their PR crap which, I’m thinking, should retain my name on invitiation and guests lists for parties and events I usually don’t attend.

Damn! I think I’m a porn savant!

Waitaminute! I’ll go one better: I’ll not only post the subject line, but when I spot the press release on someone else’s site, I’ll hyperlink the subject line to the site that’s actually publishing this PR trash. Holy Toledo! I am a freakin’ porn genius!

So here’s today press releases in their simplest form. (Besides hyperlinking, I’ll use bold print on them cuz that’s the kind of helpful guy I am!)

Britney Rears 3 Is A Two Disc Collector’s Set

SugarDVD Makes NY Post’s Page Six!

Joone’s Pirates Takes 4 More Trophies

Digital Playground Releases “Control 3″

Wow! That was easy! I feel really good about this.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 31, 2006

Temptation Awards Not Tempting Enough

It seems the Temptation Awards weren’t tempting enough to draw much of a crowd at the Westin-Bonaventure Hotel this past Saturday night. I kept looking for reports about the show but found it hard to find out much of anything about it. America’s porn journalist was there and he posted a report.

According to GP’s report, the only thing somewhat porn-news-worthy that happened at the show, i.e., that sounded remotely interesting, was his report of Holly Randall acting more like the subjects of her photography than a photographer of such people.

I searched for a list of winners and, finally, XBiz, the official media sponsor of the event (whatever that means) was good enough to post a partial list. This “partial list,” BTW, was a little too “partial” for my liking because I still don’t know if MY MOVIE WON A FUCKING AWARD!!!

That’s right. Something made by JimmyD was nominated in the Best Interactive category: Playing with Penny Flame. PWPF is part of Anarchy’s best-selling line of Playing With… interactives and my wallet and I are happy to say I’ve directed and shot just about all of them, including all the artwork photography,  and I’ve been doing so for two or three years. If you’re a buyer, you might know this series as the green titles.

I only found out this title was nominated through  journalistic perseverance, determination, and internet searching because nobody from the Temptation Awards team bothered to let the people at Anarchy Films know the title was nominated.

Here’s some advice from a guy who has never organized or produced an awards event: If you want people to participate in your awards show, especially those you nominate for an award, you might consider letting them know about it. By the way, I’m available as a consultant for such things or for anything else you’d like some consulting about re: the jizz biz.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 29, 2006

Anal Awards Killed It for Me Too

Gene Ross’s AdultFYI.com accounting of George Witty’s appearance on KSEXradio this past Friday night sort-of cleared up the mystery surrounding the Temptation Awards getting an unceremonious boot from Pasadena’s Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

George Witty is the producer or organizer or someone who has something to do with the Tempation Awards. He’s also Canadian (eh?) and I’m really not sure what his actual connection to the jizz biz is… which might also have something to do with the show’s recent problems. But what do I know? Shit happens, right? I don’t know if shit happens in Canada but shit definitely happens here.

Anyway, according to George, it seems the problems with the Ritz-Carlton came to a head when some R-C employee opened a box of Temptation Awards trophies and which one do you think this employee pulled out? Yep. The trophy for the Anal Award. I guess that pretty much sunk the Temptation Awards at the R-C. When the lady at the Ritz proclaimed, according to Mr. Witty, “This is an awards ceremony that celebrates the porno industry, and the Ritz-Carlton does not.” What I really think she meant was, and I’ll paraphrase, “This is an awards ceremony that celebrates ASS-FUCKING and the Ritz-Carlton does not.”

You know what? If that’s what the lady from the Ritz really meant, I can’t say I completely disagree with her.

Giving awards and trophies for stuff like ass-fucking, in my opinion, pretty much destroys the credibility of the rest of the awards organizations give out. It’s absurd to give awards for shit like that. (Pun intended.) I can understand and endorse awards for “Best” movies, performers, new starlets, scenes, packaging, camerawork, whatever. But “Best” at getting fucked in the ass? People wonder why practically the entire universe does not take us, the adult biz, seriously? Well, that kind of stuff is a big part of it.

Okay. I had my say. Congratulations to whomever won any of the Temptation Awards. If you’re the big sodomy winner, I’ll bet your family and friends are proud! Something to someday tell the kids and grand-kids about, right?

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 29, 2006

Porners: Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Just curious. I’m not trying to make some kind of statement about the intelligence or knowledge-base that resides within your average porn person. I’m just curious, that’s all. I’m not trying to piss anyone off nor am I saying anyone in porn is a dumbshit or anything like that. Like I said, I’m just curious.

There’s a test I found on the web that, basically, determines if you have what it takes to pass 8th Grade science. I personally took the test and I only attempted it once. I’m proud and happy to report I passed with a perfect score of 8 for 8! And, I took the test while under the influence of THC. Therefore, that makes me either really, REALLY proud of my perfect score or I need to buy some better pot.

Through keenly intellectual processes like extrapolation and deductive reasoning, you probably just figured out (while reading my last paragraph) that the test is only eight questions long. Eight questions hardly qualifies as a comprehensive test. It’s more like a quiz. That’s probably a good thing. If there’s one problem I’ve witnessed often enough in porn, it’s that many of its inhabitants seem to suffer from A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) Again, I’m not trying to piss anyone off or be judgemental. I suffer from A.D.D. myself. At least, that’s what I tell people when I don’t get done what I’m supposed to get done when I’m supposed to get it done.

Anyway, most people should be able to complete the test in about thirty seconds but, if that’s a problem for you, don’t worry, there’s no time limit.

This is a real test with real science questions so don’t think it’s some kind of a joke. It’s not. It’s the real deal. So take the test and find out whether you get to pat yourself on the back or you need to go take a remedial, 8th Grade, science class.

You can take the test by clicking HERE. The results of this test, i.e., this test that should guage the 8th Grade science comprehension level of the entire adult industry–assuming the entire industry takes the test–will never be known. That’s probably a good thing. Some things should never be known. Some things should remain Mysteries of Science. But, if you’d like to write in and share your results, good or bad, I’d be happy to hear about them cuz, you know… I’m curious.

Good luck!

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 29, 2006

LA Times: The Word “Porn” In Headlines Creates Popular Stories

According to an article at LATimes.com, the word “porn” in a headline is a great way to bring attention to an article, whether the article is about porn or not.

No wonder porn is so popular. It doesn’t even have to be porn or about porn to attract peoples’ interests. It just has to say the word “porn.” Damn! That’s power! I suppose that’s why we’re a $14B industry. How can you not make tons of money when the very word that describes your products attracts so many?

According to the LATimes.com article, Richard Rushfield, a senior editor at The Times website was asked how stories are rated for popularity. Mr. Rushfield said the “most e-mailed” instead of the “most viewed” list is the best indicator because the latter is updated every hour and changes rapidly. A “most e-mailed” article, which is updated daily, can stay on the charts for up to three weeks and enter the national consciousness.

A safe move for writers hoping to pen popular stories is to stick to topics that traditionally rise to the top of The Times’ list: real estate prices, health cures and religious controversy. Basically: money, health and God, in that order.

“And the word ‘porn’ always helps a lot,” Rushfield contends. “Sadly, the word ‘porn’ doesn’t appear as often as some would like on our home page.”

Yeah, I know what Mr. Rushfield means: I’m personally saddened by that situation myself.

Incisively, The Times article also points out that “…the real estate market is a massive bubble waiting to pop; porn stars lead boring, insular lives; and the only diet that works is fewer calories and more exercise.”

Hmmm… I think I actually learned something here.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 28, 2006

Is Mary Carey a ‘Tard?

I just read, on lukeisback.com, about Mary Carey’s outing as a porn star and gubernatorial candidate with her family. I’m not sure which they found more disturbing– That she’s a porn star or wants to be a politician. After all, the word “whore” is appropriate in definitions of either vocation, probably moreso for the latter. Anyway, now I’m thinking maybe Mary’s a ‘tard.

No, I don’t think Ms. Carey might be a candidate for the Special Olympics because of any physical or mental challenges her parents have lived with and passed down to her. It’s because of what she said during her (transcribed) phone call with Luke:

“I told Howard Stern about my dad. They want me to reunite with him on air. They called him up and his sister calls me: ‘How could you do that? He’s been made fun of all his life.’ I said, ‘Howard’s not going to make fun of him.’”

Hello! Earth to Mary Carey! Your Dad’s sister is 100% correct! Making fun of people is what the Howard Stern Show does! Why do you think they want to re-unite you and your Dad on the show? Because, suddenly, The Howard Stern Show is all about touchy-feely shit and they simply want to host this tearful reunion because they’re switching the show’s format to something more akin to Dr. Phil or Montel?

More often than not, I think porn people really are better off seen and not heard. (Although I doubt the Howard Stern Show would agree.)

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 28, 2006

Conspiracy or Intolerance?

Is anyone sniffing a conspiracy here? First the Temptation Awards moved venues from the Beverly Hilton to Pasadena’s Ritz-Carlton due to some contractual dipute. Now, a day or so after announcing that move, Temptation Awards organizers have announced the Ritz-Carlton has backed out of their deal to host the event.

According to a press release I just received from the show’s organizers, “An official document from Jill R. Hilts, Director of catering and sales for the Ritz-Carlton Pasadena gave reason for the cancellation stating, ‘This is an awards ceremony that celebrates the porno industry, and the Ritz-Carlton does not,’ and further stated, ‘We cannot have porno stars in our hotel.’ Ms. Hilts openly discriminating against an entire profession as she continued her assault on the adult industry in her letter saying, ‘You intend to use the Hotel facilities for a pornographic video awards ceremony. We cannot permit activities at the Hotel that our employees and many of our guests will find highly offensive. Your awards ceremony falls squarely within this classification.’”

I’d like to say a few things to Ms. Hilts: First off, lady, it ain’t the porno industry. It’s the porn industry. And they ain’t porno stars, they’re porn stars. If you’re gonna insult a bunch of people with your hoity-toity tone and a your shit don’t stink attitude, at least have the decency to call this biz and its hard-working and dedicated stars by their right names! And next time you book an event, maybe you should do your homework a little better! What’d ya think? It was some kind of tribute to the legenday Motown group? They were The Temptations, get it? As in plural, not singular!

In related news, loud and multiple chuckles were heard coming from the offices of AVN as news of these latest Temptation Awards problems came to light.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 27, 2006

Porn and Comedy

I don’t often post press releases, at least not without making fun of them. For this one, I’ll make an exception. Why? Because it’s comedy and its porn and porn is comedy! Plus, there was a time in my life when I spent years trying to make it  as a comedy writer and, later, a comedian.  I have a soft-spot for comedians and their craft.

According to the press release: “Four of the edgiest, dirtiest, most hilarious comics will perform. Numerous porn stars will also appear onstage in between acts, giving away merchandise and leading other fun activities. Ron Jeremy will open the show with his comedy routine. The show will be hosted by KC Armstrong (Howard Stern Show) and the comics are Adam Hunter (Showtime’s White Boyz from the Hood, VH1, CBS’s The Late Late Show), Yoshi (Evil Angel), The Greg Wilson (VH1, Hard Rock Casino), and headlining will be Corey Holcomb (Last Comic Standing, Nick Cannon’s Wild ‘N Out). There will be other surprise guests. The XXX Porn Stars will include Jasmine Tame, Leah Luv, Hilary Scott, Trina Michaels, Delilah Strong, Courtney Cummz, and Nikki Hunter. Pornography celebrity Tee Reel is co-organizing the event and will be onstage giving away prizes. It will be a blast. General admission is $20 and people on the guest list can get in for $10. Industry comps are available by e-mailing Tee Reel

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 25, 2006

There Are Two Kinds of FIPs in Porn

Porn has its own language: Pornbonics might be a good way to describe it. Pornbonics are phrases and terms and acronyms that exist, mainly and exclusively, in the world of XXX production. Some of the language of pornbonics is commonly understood. Many people understand the terms money shot or pop shot. A fair number of people, non-porn people that is, can explain the terms for the various sexual positions engaged in during the production of sex scenes: mish, reverse cow, spoon, scissors, and pile-driver are a few. “A” is for anal, and “C” refers to a light.

The least commonly understood term is, most likely, the FIP.

A FIP, of course, is an acronym. It means, Fake Internal Pop(shot). FIPs are captured for use in soft-core versions of XXX flicks. In most soft or cable or PPV versions of skin-flicks, the actual pop-shot is verboten. Instead, it is replaced with a FIP wherein the male performer scrunches his face, makes weird sounds, and acts as if he’s having the best orgasm of his entire life. Female performers routinely FIP, or something akin to FIPing, but we don’t bother labeling this as females faking orgasms are as much a part of many people’s lives as they are a part of porn life. When I’m directing, I will sometimes instruct the female performer to give me a “Big ‘O’ face,” but that’s about as close as I come to refering to a female FIP; i.e., when it comes to having porn chicks pretending they’re getting off.

It’s ocurred to me that there’s another kind of FIP in porn. I wouldn’t call this an epiphany or anything of that magnitude, but I was reading LukeisBack this morning and someone wrote in (to Luke) asking, “Whatever happened to Mason?”

You remember Mason, right? She was once touted as the first, real, coming of a female, gonzo-director messiah. A year or two ago, AVN embraced her in ways that I could only wish they might have embraced me at various times during my so-called career. Yep, for a time, Mason was the toast of the West Valley: A mysterious director-chick who refused to allow her face to be photographed and who shot some fairly extreme sex.

But all at once, it seems, Mason became a FIP.

No, she didn’t become the embodiment of a Fake Internal Popshot. Mason’s kind of FIP refers to what seems to have happened to her. Mason, like more than a few other XXX directors and others, somehow went into porn’s record books as a “Flash In the Pan.” Yep, Mason became a FIP.

So there you have it: A new variation on the pornbonics term FIP: A Flash In the Pan. A term that can be applied to directors, performers, and even companies. (The gossip and alleged, heard on the street stuff circulating about Torrid/Defiance comes to mind.)

Sometimes, after well over a decade STILL working and shooting and earning my livelihood in this business, I feel like patting myself on the back for my, uhhh… insightfulness, longevity, and No-FIP status. But then, reality checks in and I remember where I am… in porn… a place where “pats on the back” are as silly as, well, as awards for sodomy and fellatio.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

July 25, 2006

Risking My Mental Health Acknowledged

Tim, of TWtalent writes:

You were shooting a 55 year old virgin hermaphrodite who looks like a man, thinks she’s a woman, but is a lesbian……..What the fuck do you expect? Hallmark card moments and sappy, teary-eyed, memories of a special conjoining of souls?

You are a strong man in ways I will never be able to know or be able witness without massive amounts of THC coursing through my veins. If it was not for guys like you, willing to take his sanity and risk it for far less pay than it could have been worth so the world would not be without this human phenomenon captured for all time in HD, guys like me would have to do it. So for all of us who didn’t have to be there, THANK YOU.

There was one unanswered question I believe that all of you readers would like to know…….How big was his cock? -Tim White

jimmyd sez: I think the proper way to ask that, Tim, is “How big was its cock?” Not “his” cock… but “its” cock. Before answering your question, let me first state that at no time did I appraise the herm’s male appendage and think to myself, “Hmmm… that looks to be about x-inches.” The truth is, I tried my best to avoid looking. Of course, as a cameraman, it would be impossible to not look. My best judgement would be that it was about 4-inches or so, flaccid, and of normal girth. (Note: The word “normal” probably doesn’t belong in any description of this stuff.) BTW, It never became what would normally be considered erect, although it did seem to a exhibit a “semi-erect” status for awhile. I cannot, therefore, answer the following questions: A) Does it become fully erect? B) What size would it be in a fully erect state? C) Does it spooge? Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe some questions are best left unanswered.

Posted by jimmyD under It's all the same crap. | Comments (0)

  Next Page »